Top 5 Poe-Inspired Red Flags to Watch for at Dinner Parties
Brought to you by Alice, your unhinged hostess with the most stress.
1. The Host Can’t Stop Smiling... and Won’t Blink
If your dinner host is grinning like they just buried their ex in the floorboards and hasn't blinked since 1842?
Red flag, sugar.
That’s not charisma—it’s unmedicated villain energy. Back away slowly.
2. Someone at the Table Believes They’re a Teacup
Look, we love eccentricity. We are eccentricity. But when someone starts rattling on about being bone china and insists on being filled with hot milk?
Time to “accidentally” forget your coat and moonwalk out the door.
3. The Roast is Suspiciously... Lumpy
Listen. If the entrée looks like it could fight back or starts beating like a heart beneath the gravy boat—DO. NOT. EAT. IT.
It’s either cursed, possessed, or someone’s uncle. Possibly all three.
4. The Guest of Honor is a Corpse in Denial
If the person next to you smells like formaldehyde and keeps insisting they’re “just resting,” please note:
You are now in a Poe story. Blink twice for help.
5. Someone Brings Up Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether... Casually
If that phrase even slips into conversation, darling, know this:
You’re in the middle of a hostile patient takeover, and you’re the hors d'oeuvres. Smile, nod, and then fake food poisoning immediately.
Bonus Tip: If a black cat stares at you through the window the entire time... just assume you’re cursed and call it a night. I know, I know all you little witchesout there will think it's your familiar! Hmmm... maybe - MAYBE NOT!
Stay spooky, stay sassy, and always check the guest list,
– Alice
The Mad Queen of Ink & Lore 👑
