☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party Presents: Storytime
🫖 Alice Spills the Tea on: The Smurders on the Rue Morgue
Alright, sweethearts, grab your tea and settle in, because today we’re diving into a tale so full of twists and turns, it’ll make your head spin. And just to warn you—this one’s got monkey business all over it, in the most unexpected way. I’m talking about Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Murders on the Rue Morgue”—or as I like to call it, The Smurders on the Rue Morgue. Trust me, it’s weird, but in the most deliciously twisted way possible.
Our story takes place in Paris, in a cozy little apartment on the Rue Morgue. There, two ladies are minding their own business, living their quiet lives—until one night, everything goes terribly wrong. Their screams echo through the neighborhood, chilling the very air around them. It’s enough to make your skin crawl, darling. The neighbors hear them, and someone rushes to the door—but it’s locked. No one can get in. Something is terribly wrong.
Bam, the police arrive. And they don’t know what to make of this mess. The apartment is an absolute scene—blood everywhere, furniture overturned, and two women, dead. It’s not just a simple case of robbery gone wrong, oh no. There’s a kind of madness to it. The details are strange, even beyond the usual dark mysteries of Paris. It’s clear something is off about this whole thing.
Enter Dupin—our detective, and let me tell you, he’s no ordinary sleuth. He’s one of those types who doesn’t just solve the mystery, darling, he gets into the guts of it. He’s sipping his tea and contemplating the case like it’s a simple crossword puzzle, but with every detail, he’s piecing together a story that no one else can see. He asks questions the police never thought to ask. He sees things no one else notices.
Now, let’s talk about those clues. At first, Dupin notes the strange language the witnesses heard—the voice of the murderer, maybe? It’s nothing like French. It’s... otherworldly. The only word the witnesses can remember? Something that sounds like “Noir.” The word hangs in the air, like a piece of old, forgotten magic. Is it a clue? Or a red herring?
There’s also the terrible violence. The brutality of the killings—it’s clear this wasn’t just a random act. Whoever did this, they were strong. And the way the bodies were left? That’s not the work of a human. Something strange is going on, something no one has thought of yet. Everyone is jumping to conclusions—but Dupin? He’s watching. He’s listening.
He knows the case isn’t what it seems. So he spends days carefully retracing every step, every clue, every whisper that the police missed. And it’s then, my dear, that the breakthrough comes. It’s not about the voice, not about the language. It’s not about some mysterious criminal mastermind. No, darling, this is where the plot thickens.
Ready for the big reveal? I’m going to make you wait for it.
You see, Dupin’s clever. He knows that the best way to understand this case is to listen—to hear everything. He presses the witnesses again. He watches every person in the neighborhood with eyes like a hawk. And what does he discover?
The murderer? Oh, it’s not human, darling. No, it’s something much wilder, more untamed. It’s an animal. But not just any animal. An orangutan.
Yes. A monkey.
And here’s the twist—it escaped from a circus nearby. A crazy, wild animal that’s been raised in captivity, confused by the streets of Paris. This poor creature was frightened, and in its panic, it did what animals do when they’re pushed to their limits. It attacked. It tore the place apart. And when the police arrived, it had already escaped, leaving behind nothing but chaos and confusion.
But Dupin—he saw through it all. He pieced the clues together, and he solved the mystery. It wasn’t a criminal mastermind. It wasn’t some deranged villain. It was a monkey—fleeing in terror and leaving a trail of destruction behind it.
And that, my sweetlings, is the tale of The Smurders on the Rue Morgue. It’s the kind of story that makes you rethink every time you walk past a circus, isn’t it? You never know when a monkey might decide to cause chaos.
So, the moral of the story? Don’t trust your assumptions. And always make sure to check if the smurderer is, in fact, just a very angry, very confused orangutan.
- Alice
