☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party Presents:

Caligula: The OG Power-Tripping Mess

"Made his horse a senator. Need I say more?"

Alice leans back in her chair, balancing a teacup on one finger as she grins at her guests.

“Oh, my darlings, you think modern politicians are dramatic? You think billionaires on power trips are wild?

Please.

Let me take you back to Ancient Rome, where one man set the gold standard for completely losing his damn mind in power.

His name? Caligula.

His hobbies? Terrorizing the Senate, throwing orgies, declaring himself a god, and, oh yes—trying to make his horse a senator.

Buckle up, my dears, because today we are spilling the tea on Rome’s most unhinged emperor.”

Alice lifts a sugar cube, drops it into her tea, and stirs dramatically.

“Now, let’s get into the madness, shall we?”

The Golden Boy Gone Bad

Caligula didn’t start out crazy.

• He was the son of Rome’s most beloved general, Germanicus (big deal).
• He was raised in the imperial palace, but his entire family got murdered in political purges.
• He was charming, popular, and adored when he first became emperor in 37 AD.

Alice smirks.

“But then, my darlings, he got a little thing called absolute power.

And when you give absolute power to a man with deep trauma, zero impulse control, and a god complex?

Oh, things get wild.”

Caligula's Unhinged Era Begins

At first, Rome loved him.

• He threw huge public festivals to win over the people.
• He handed out free money to the poor.
• He pardoned prisoners and exiles in a ‘Look how merciful I am’ moment.

And then?

He got sick.

Alice narrows her eyes, tapping a finger against her teacup.

“Some say it was epilepsy. Some say it was a mental breakdown. Some say he was just always nuts, and this was the final snap.

Either way—when he recovered?

Oh, honey, he was different.”

The Full-Blown Chaos

Alice leans forward, eyes gleaming.

“This man went from ‘benevolent emperor’ to ‘Roman fever dream.’

• Declared himself a living god. Full temples, priests, sacrifices—the works.
• Had entire conversations with the moon. Like, literally.
• Made senators run beside his chariot like servants.
• Ordered random executions for fun.
• Threw money off rooftops just to watch people fight for it.

And then, my darlings…

The horse incident.”

Incitatus: The Most Powerful Horse in Rome

Alice dramatically places her teacup down.

“Yes, you heard me right.

Caligula loved his horse, Incitatus, more than he loved most humans.

• The horse had a marble stall and golden feeding troughs.
• He wore jewels and purple cloth.
• He was invited to Caligula’s banquets and ate alongside senators.

And then?

Caligula decided this horse was smarter than his actual government.”

Alice raises an eyebrow.

“And honestly? He may have had a point.”

She sips her tea.

“So, he announced he was making Incitatus a senator.

Was he serious? Maybe.
Was it a joke? Possibly.
Was the Senate too scared to argue? Oh, absolutely.

Can you imagine these stiff old Roman politicians having to pretend this was normal?

‘Oh yes, Incitatus, what a fine speech you’ve given. Truly wise words, my lord.’”

Alice cackles.

“And you know what? The horse probably would’ve done a better job.”

The Final Straw

Eventually, even Rome was like, okay, this guy is too insane—even for us.

• He wasted the empire’s money on nonsense.
• He declared war on the ocean (yes, literally made his army stab the sea).
• He threatened to make his horse emperor next.

Alice shrugs.

“So, in 41 AD, the Senate finally grew a spine and stabbed him to death.

Like, a lot.

They dragged him into a basement and stabbed him 30 times.

And just to be safe, they murdered his entire family too.”

She sips her tea, shaking her head.

“Rome doesn’t do things halfway, my dears.”

The Aftermath: Rome Pretends This Never Happened

After Caligula was gone, Rome was like:

‘Um. That was embarrassing. Let’s never speak of this again.’

• His statues were smashed.
• His name was erased from records.
• His insane reign was written off as ‘that one fever dream of an era.’

Alice grins.

“But here’s the thing, my darlings… he still changed history.

• His reign made Rome terrified of unhinged emperors.
• He set the stage for future tyrants to be called ‘another Caligula.’
• And, most importantly…

He gave us the most ridiculous tea in Roman history.”

Alice lifts her teacup in a toast.

“So, here’s to Caligula. The OG power-tripping maniac.

May his memory live on in chaos.

And may we never let another horse into politics…

Oh wait.”

Alice smirks over her cup.

“Too late.”