☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party Presents:
Joan of Arc: The Maid Who Wasn't Just Fighting Battles, She Was Fighting for Her Own Fate
"A teenage girl who led armies, heard voices, and set France on fire—literally. Don’t let anyone tell you girls can’t do everything."
Alice takes a dramatic sip of her tea, eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Oh, darling, gather 'round, because this one is a wild ride. Forget knight in shining armor—Joan of Arc was the armored knight who not only saved France, but made history by turning it all upside down in the process.”
She taps the side of her cup, preparing for the deep dive.
“Now, let me set the scene for you. We’re in the 15th century, a time when men ran everything—and I mean everything. But then, here comes Joan, a teenage girl who says, ‘Screw that, I’m going to lead an army.’”
She leans forward with a grin.
“Joan of Arc, or as some liked to call her, the Maid of Orleans, wasn’t about to let society tell her what a girl could or couldn’t do. This wasn’t your typical princess story, sugar. Joan wasn’t about singing songs or chasing after a prince—she was about war, destiny, and God’s will.”
The Voices in Her Head (Or, Maybe Just Divine Inspiration?)
Alice rolls her eyes playfully, as if preparing to spill some truly scandalous tea.
“Now, picture this: A young girl, probably around 16 or 17, in the middle of a devastating war—The Hundred Years’ War, to be exact—decides she’s hearing voices. Not the kind of voices you get from too many drinks, darling. She was hearing voices from saints—yes, saints—telling her to go save France and lead King Charles VII to his throne.”
She pauses, letting that sink in.
“Can you even imagine? There she is, this peasant girl, walking up to the future king and saying, ‘Hey, I’m here to lead your army.’ And of course, everyone was like, ‘Sure, honey, get in line,’ until she literally started winning battles.”
The Reluctant King and the Teenage War General
“Let’s talk about King Charles VII for a sec. He was just chilling in his castle, not really doing much to fix France’s desperate situation, and along comes Joan, who struts in like she’s already won the war.”
Alice laughs, shaking her head.
“The thing is, Charles didn’t even believe in her at first. He thought she was just some random girl with a wild imagination. But Joan? She wasn’t here for that. She took charge, and guess what? She did exactly what she said she would—she got him crowned king, just like the voices told her to do.”
She leans back in her chair, looking amused.
“Joan of Arc, sweetie, didn’t just wear armor—she wore confidence like a crown. And that was something that even the king couldn’t ignore. So they gave her an army and a banner, and she went out there and started fighting like she was born for it.”
Battles, Miracles, and a Whole Lot of Audacity
“Joan didn’t just lead armies; she won them. She helped lift the siege of Orleans, and let’s not forget that she did it while wearing a full suit of armor. A teenage girl—wearing armor—leading men twice her age into battle. And winning. Can you imagine the audacity?”
Alice clinks her teacup as if toasting Joan’s sheer brilliance.
“Now, here’s where it gets juicy—Joan wasn’t just winning battles and boosting morale. She was also doing it while being scandalous. A woman leading an army? And hearing voices? People didn’t know what to make of it. Some said she was divinely inspired, others whispered she was just crazy.”
She grins, eyes gleaming with mock-seriousness.
“But let me tell you—if a teenage girl can lead an army, win battles, and get a king crowned all in a day’s work, I’m betting there’s some magic in those voices. Or maybe Joan just knew something the rest of them didn’t.”
The Endgame: The Betrayal and Execution
“But of course, the story doesn’t end with Joan on top. Oh no, honey. She had to go and be captured by the Burgundians, who handed her over to the English. The same English she had been fighting against. Can we say tragic irony?”
Alice looks almost bored, as if she’s seen this plot twist a thousand times.
“And get this—they put her on trial for things like heresy, witchcraft, and cross-dressing. Yes, darling, they called her out for wearing men’s clothes while leading an army. Somehow that was more of a crime than the fact that she had single-handedly turned the tide of a war.”
Alice shrugs dramatically.
“Now, they could’ve just let her go after all she did, but noooooo, they burned her at the stake. A teenage girl—burned alive—because she was too powerful, too uncomfortable for them to handle.”
She takes another sip, her tone softening.
“Joan of Arc may have been taken from the world too soon, but what she left behind was nothing short of a legacy—a legacy that said, ‘A girl can do anything. Even lead armies and burn the whole world’s expectations down.’”
The Final Sip: Joan’s Legacy
“Despite the tragic end, Joan’s legacy lived on. She was canonized as a saint in 1920. Yeah, over 400 years later. Talk about divine timing.”
Alice sets down her cup with a smirk.
“So here’s to Joan of Arc—the girl who kicked ass in battle, took names, and showed the world that women can lead, fight, and defy the odds. Cheers to the Maid of Orleans, and let’s all remember: power doesn’t come with a gender, honey—it comes with bravery and audacity.”
Alice grins, lifting her teacup.
“Now, who’s ready for more scandalous tea?”
