☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party
Alice Spills the Tea: Who’s Your Daddy? Part 1 (Divine Drama Edition)
From the Quill of the Mad Tea Mistress
Cue the velvet curtains, sprinkle some holy glitter, and let’s light this sacrilegious séance candle - because today, we’re calling a spiritual Mock Maury show in the middle of Rosehaven, and it’s about to get biblically messy.
The stage is set: Alice has invited the usual suspects—Miriam (a.k.a. Mary) allegedly, Josephus the Extremely Confused, Gabrielus Maximus (still glowing), and surprise guest... LOKI, GOD OF CHAOS, FATHER OF SHADE, BRINGER OF RECEIPTS.
Loki slides into the tea party like,
“Hi sweethearts, I heard someone was handing out miracles without a background check. Who approved this immaculate claim, hmm?”
Alice fans herself.
“Well well well, if it isn’t Asgard’s sassiest shapeshifter. What brings you to this quaint Judeo-Christian scandal?”
Loki smirks.
“Simple. Y’all accept a baby with no dad, believe a ghost baby story with ZERO DNA evidence, no father, and the world’s chillest fiancé but I turn into a horse, birth an eight-legged beast, and suddenly I’m a myth? Excuse me while I file for paternity fraud.”
Gabriel chokes on his divine wine.
“It was the will of the Most High!”
Loki leans in.
“Darling, I am the Most High… after three shots of mead. Now hand over the DNA or prepare for trial by trickster.”
Dormouse, possessed by a very confused cherub, starts throwing marshmallows and chanting “You are not the father!”
(Alice makes a mental note to increase the sugar rations before the next tea party.)
And while the holy, the mythical, and the mischievous argue their way through cosmic court, Alice just sips her tea and whispers to the reader:
“You wanted answers? I give you entertainment.”
Whose Your Daddy? Part 1 (Divine Drama Edition) ☕️ Alices Mad Tea Party
Alice Spills the Tea: Who’s Your Daddy? Part 2 (Divine Drama Edition)
