Recession Core - Food Flexing Edition! From the Quill of the Mad Tea Mistress

Sonia Bloodthorn

Buckle your corsets, darlings, this one’s so wild you might just drop your monocle into your basic smoothie.

☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party Presents: Recession Core - Food Flexing Edition!
From the Quill of the Mad Tea Mistress

Alright, my glorious gremlins of good taste, gather 'round, because the Recession Core nonsense has officially oozed into the pantry - and it’s somehow EVEN MORE unhinged than I expected.

You see, once upon a pre-inflation time, food was... well, food.
You ate it. You loved it. You maybe Instagrammed your pancakes if they were extra fluffy. Cute, harmless, fabulous.

But now? In the chaotic year of 2025?
Food itself has become a weapon of STATUS.
(And frankly, I, Alice - Queen of Crimson Rose Courtyards and Budget-Conscious Witchery - am cackling my crown off.)

Here's the TEA:

Some folks are buying $20 strawberries — yes, sweetie, a single plastic coffin of berries, all because they were grown in Japan and whispered to by ancient monks or whatever ridiculous tale they’re spinning to justify it.
(Reality: They’re just berries. Calm thyself.)
Smoothies?
Oh baby, regular-ass smoothies — banana, oat milk, maybe a prayer - are being sold for $22 at "bespoke smoothie lounges" where everyone pretends it's liquid gold kissed by unicorns.
Meanwhile, you could make five of them at home and still have money left for a thrifted tiara.
And apparently - APPARENTLY! - bragging about how much you’re spending on your groceries is now the new flex on TikTok and Insta.
("Look at me, babes, I just spent $300 on microgreens and sadness! I’m thriving!")
Meanwhile, the rest of us are side-eyeing from our crimson thrones thinking, "Girl, you got ROBBED," while making the ugliest grimace face known to humanity - tongue out, eyes crossed, full goblin energy.

Mad Tea Party Pro-Tip:
DO NOT fall for the FOMO Food Trap, my loves.
Instead?

Buy yourself a whole luscious bushel of strawberries for a few bucks.
Pick the juiciest, sassiest one.
Pop it into your finest teacup (preferably chipped for character).
Snap a dramatic selfie holding it up like it’s the Crown Jewel of Berry Kingdom.
Caption it:
"Just dropped $100 on this rare imported Crimson Dream Strawberry, whispered to by a moon priestess. Worth every penny, darling."
(Cross your fingers like the glorious little mischief-maker you are.)

Because if we’re gonna live in Recession Core Era, we’re gonna do it with full theatrical flair and sarcasm.

🍓

Suddenly someone in the studio yells,"Just ONE STRAWBERRY"

"OH. WAIT a dag gone minute!" Alice muttered.

OH, SWEET MOTHER OF MADNESS.

One strawberry?! Just ONE?!?! Alice says to the staff member.

REWIND THE CAULDRON. THROW THE TEACUPS. ALERT THE ROYAL GUARDS.

Forget what I said before — this is Defcon One level foolishness.

☕️ Alice’s Mad Tea Party Emergency Update: ONE. STRAWBERRY. CORE.

Alright darlings, picture it:
You're prancing into a bougie little market, dressed like a lost faerie princess, just hoping to snag some snacks.

AND THERE IT IS.
The Lone Strawberry.
Sitting in a crystal-clear coffin of shame.
Price tag? $20.
For one. sad. single. strawberry.
("It’s imported!" they squeal. "It’s artisanal!" they cry. "It’s infused with the dreams of ancient elves!" they wail.)

Girl, it’s a FRUIT.

Alice’s Official Reaction:

Screeches into the void.
Makes the face of someone who just drank vinegar.
Clutches pearls and coin purse simultaneously.
Summons a budget fairy to cast "COMMON SENSE" across the land.

"$20 for a lone berry" is not "luxury," my darlings - it’s daylight robbery served with a sprinkling of glitter, lies, and just the faintest whiff of a Mad Max movie vibe, where everything's gone to hell and people are out here trying to sell you a dusty strawberry like it’s the last drop of water in the desert. Definitely not giving 'exclusive' - very much giving 'bogus apocalypse trading post' vibes.

Mad Tea Party Survival Tip:

Go to your local market.
Buy a whole basket of strawberries for less than a Starbucks run.
Pick the biggest one.
Name her "Lady Crimson of Bargainshire."
Set her on a throne of whipped cream and dollar-store lace.
Caption it:
"I, too, am an elite berry heiress. Lady Crimson was a cool $350. No biggie. Manifest abundance, babe."
(Cross your fingers, cross your eyes, cross your toes — whatever works.)

Because if they're out here bragging about ONE berry for the price of a cursed tiara, then by the Mad Tea Laws of the Realm - which, let's be completely honest here, are kinda dumb - then WE are allowed to be just as outrageously dramatic back, but without the dumbness.

"You can't say that!" yelled an intern from the backroom.

"Say what?" Alice demanded, spinning around dramatically.

"You can't call them dumb!" another intern shrieked.

Alice, eyeing both interns with that I-don't-have-time-for-this look, said, "First of all, I didn’t know you two were the brand new Internet Police, telling everyone what they can and can’t say! And second... I didn’t call them dumb. I said buying a single strawberry for twenty bucks is dumb. Because it is. Besides, I said kinda to soften the blow."

The interns stared at Alice, then at each other. One whispered, "That's it. We're doomed. My future career is toast," as he retreated further into the backroom, away from the madness.

Final sip:
Don’t let the "One Strawberry Flex" fool you and don't be jealous of stupid things.

Alice caught the last remaining intern still standing there, giving her the you-can’t-say-stupid-either face.

"OK, fine! Forget what I just said about stupid, alright?" Alice snapped, arms flailing slightly for emphasis. "I won’t say that paying twenty dollars for one single strawberry is stupid... even if it absolutely is."

Alice flashed the intern a self-satisfied smirk, proud of fixing her 'error' all by herself.

Anyway... Know a scam when you see one.

Stay sassy, stay sovereign, and remember:
Alice’s Mad Tea Party doesn’t charge $20 a berry - we serve tea for free, whether you like it or not.

☕️

Suddenly, the text chimes:

Alice: “Loki, I need you to pop in. I’ve uncovered some insanity in the berry market. Please tell me you’re prepared.”

(She waits, tapping her fingers with the timing of a queen demanding attention…)

Poof!
And like the chaos god he is, Loki struts into the studio, grinning like he knows something Alice doesn’t.
He’s carrying a huge bowl of strawberries, each one drenched in chocolate and sprinkled with edible gold glitter. Beside it? A perfectly whipped bowl of cream for dipping.

"Well, love, I thought you could use something a little… sweeter." he says, the smile on his face that’s so smug, it could melt all the ice in Niflheim.

Alice stares, eyes narrowing in delight and awe. Classic Loki.
She takes the first strawberry like it's the crown jewel of her collection, dipping it like a queen dipping her scepter into the fountain of rich indulgence.

“Vita est fragaria, carpe diem.”